Ministers in a Minute

Request: Your third cousin asks to bring her boyfriend-of-the-month to your $150-a-plate wedding reception.

What you should say: "We've already had to make so many tough decisions to get the guest list down to size. We really can't squeeze in/afford another guest. But I would love to have you two over for dinner sometime so I can meet him."

Why it works: If you illuminate some of your behind-the-scenes planning, your cousin may get a clue about the inappropriateness of the request.

Why you shouldn't feel guilty: It's your party and your pocketbook.

How to avoid the situation in the future: Make a few calls before you put together the guest list to see if there are new additions you should consider as you plan.

If you're the one being toasted, your job is easy. Judith Martin, author of the "Miss Manners" column and books, says, "Really, the simplest task of all, but the one people being toasted have terrible trouble managing, is to do nothing but look modest and pleased — and certainly not to drink to themselves. The way for them to start drinking is to offer a return toast." When toasting back, something as simple as "I feel so lucky to be here with all of you tonight. To good friends!" will suffice. Rather than trying to touch glasses with everyone at the table, simply raise yours high in the air and everyone else will follow suit.

Your friends’ weddings make you cry — the vows, the meaningful readings...and the thought that at the end of the night thousands of dollars’ worth of flower arrangements will be thrown away. Ask the bride (or the host of any gala) if you can arrange for some of the flowers to be delivered to local hospices or nursing homes. Let people share in the celebration that was your wedding.

Take your in-laws out to dinner shortly after the honeymoon, suggests Martha Edwards. Thank them for all they did during the wedding, and start your new life together on a positive note. If possible, both you and your spouse should also spend some time alone with your respective in-laws after you get married. To avoid holiday conflicts, set a schedule in advance and stick to it: Alternate Thanksgivings with each family, for example. Creating a schedule for monthly dinners with in-laws is a good idea, too, because it helps establish boundaries about when and where you'll see each other.

The hardest part about saying "thank you" may be determining how to do it.

If you are given a gift for a wedding, a graduation, or the birth of a child.
If you were given a gift that you didn't open in the giver's presence.
If you were an overnight guest at someone's home.
To acknowledge a condolence note, flowers, or a donation given in a loved one's name.
To acknowledge a note or a fruit basket given in response to an illness.

If you are sent flowers by your sweetheart or parents. (Do it promptly, so the sender knows they arrived.)
If you are given a gift by an employer or a colleague, or if you were thrown a baby shower or a birthday party at the office.
If you were a guest at a dinner or a party.

It’s eight months post-wedding, post–baby shower, or post-40th and (your mother would kill you) you still haven’t completed thank-you notes for all the nice gifts. Avoid this scenario (or at least make the catch-up less daunting) by placing stationery, a pen, and some stamps on your bedside table. That way, before you go to sleep, you’ll have a visual prompt to jot down a quick note or two. A few per night is an easily achievable goal — and completing them will make your sleep that much more restful.